Twilight Talk
by BrilliantRed22
Summary: Sheldon, Howard, Leonard, and Raj talk about twilight. R&R! Really funny, one shot!


"Hey!" Penny walked into Sheldon and Leonard's apartment and sat down at her usual spot. The moment Raj saw her, his mouth slammed shut. "Raj, it's been 3 years and you still can't talk to women?" Penny asked and took her share of Thai food. "Like I said when we were identifying the snowy tree cricket," Sheldon said, eyeing Howard, who rolled his eyes and stuffed his mouth with food, "Ladybugs must render him catonic."

Raj whispered in Howard's ear. Howard cleared his throat. "Ahem. Sheldon, Raj says that if he ever was the last man on Earth and was very lonely and then found you, he would forget about his loneliness and kill you."

Raj, Leonard, Howard, and Penny snickered. Sheldon squinted. "Since you are my friends I will restrain the action of choking all of you to a cold, frigid, untimely death." Then he turned back to his food. They stopped laughing.

Just then, Penny's iPhone rang. She answered it.

"Hello? Oh my God really? Okay, okay, I'll be there!" She put her phone away and stood up. "I am going to have a Twilight movie marathon at Bernadette's!" Leonard put his plate down. "Really? Now?" He asked. "Sorry, but I really love Twilight. Maybe next time, 'kay?" And with that, she rushed out the door.

"By Twilight, does she mean that absurd, impossible, and stupid series about werewolves and vampires?" Sheldon asked, chewing on some curry covered chicken. "Not to mention, true love!" Raj added. Howard rolled his eyes a second time. "So it's about a vampire and a human falling in love with each other. Big deal."

"But it really changes people!" Raj argued.

"I don't think that magical-"

"Mythical," Sheldon waved his fork.

Howard gave him a look of exhaustion.

"Fine, mythical creatures twisted into modern times will change people."

"Well tell that to Stephanie Meyers!"

"Who the hell is that?"

"The author of Twilight!'

"HEY! Hey, could we all stop fighting for a moment?" Leonard asked. Howard and Raj both folded their arms.

"Why should we care about Twilight anyway? Let's just all have a nice dinner!"

"Oh, that reminds me, have you seen the Breaking Dawn trailer?" Raj asked Howard.

"Yes, Raj, you forwarded it to EVERYONE at the university. EVERYONE!" Howard sneered.

"That reminds, me, I put you in my spam filter," Sheldon said to Raj.

Raj rolled his eyes. "Anyway, when Jacob reads that invitation to Edward and Bella's wedding, he gets really mad and starts running. When running, he rips his shirt off and then turns into a werewolf. But why doesn't he take his pants off too if he doesn't want his clothes to be ruined?"

"If Taylor Lautner took his pants off in the middle of the movie and showed his underpants right before he transformed into a werewolf, wouldn't that ruin the whole movie Raj?" Leonard sighed.

"Oooh...!" Raj nodded. "You're right!"

"By the way, I was looking up Twilight the other day and I saw that Bella has a daughter named Renesme." Leonard had a dreamy look in his eyes.

"What's your point?" Raj asked.

"Well, I was thinking, if Penny and I ever got back together-"

"Which you never will!"

"Thank you, Raj. If Penny and I ever got back together and got married or something I was thinking that Renesme would be a good name for our daughter." Leonard finished.

"Mine," Sheldon had dumped his empty plate and was now on the computer.

"What do you mean, mine?" Leonard asked.

"That name is taken. I might use that if I have a daughter. Thank you Leonard, for bringing that up," Sheldon cheerfully typed.

"Okay, hey, now that is NOT fair! Why do you like that name, anyway?" Leonard asked, pouting.

"Because it sounds smart."

"Just that? Just because it sounds SMART?"

"Also because it sounds mysterious, and it sounds like something Spock would name his daughter," Sheldon replied.

Leonard buried his face in his hands.

"Way to go, Sheldon," Howard said.

Raj was staring into space.

"Okay, what now, Raj?" Leonard asked.

"I wish I had Taylor Lautner's six-pack. Then I would totally get all the girls!" Raj beamed at the idea.

"Leonard," Sheldon said, "I'm going to the pet store."

"Why?"

"I want a cat."

"Why?"

"Cats are like vampires."

"So?"

"All this talk about Twilight makes me wanna get a cat."

"And?"

"And, why do I always have to explain everything to you?"

Leonard sighed.

Howard raised his hand.

"I'm leaving. This is just worse than watching my mother try to swim in water aerobics class," he said uncomfortably, and walked after Sheldon.

The door slammed.

Leonard sighed.

"Leonard?" Raj asked dreamily, "I want a German Shepard."

Leonard, frustrated, threw his hands in the air and yelled, "DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!"

So Raj grabbed his jacket and went straight to the pet store.

Leonard was all alone. Then he fell asleep on the couch.

Two hours later…

Leonard woke up from his deep sleep to find a cat face two inches away from his face.

"ARGH!" He screeched and put his glasses on to find Sheldon holding a white-brown cat with dark brown spots and yellow eyes in front of him.

"Do you like him? His name is Edward. Like the vampire in Twilight," Sheldon said, smirking happily. Just then Raj burst in, with a large, HUGE, brown-black German Shepard on a blue leash. It had sharp teeth, gold eyes, and had a HUGE resemblance to a wolf.

"Do you like him? His name is Jacob. Like Jacob from Twilight!" Raj said, smiling, but his smile of joy faded when he saw the cat in Sheldon's hands.

"What is that thing?" Raj scowled.

Sheldon glared at him. "I believe the word you're looking for is cat. This is Edward!"

"Well, this is Jacob!"

Sheldon started twitching. "W-well…VAMPIRES ARE BETTER THAN WEREWOLVES!"

Raj shouted, "NO THEY'RE NOT!"

As the two guys fought, Jacob started at barking at Edward, who went, "MRREOW!" And pounced on him, screeching.

Leonard plugged his ears with his hands and walked out the door.

Downstairs, in the lobby, he found Penny, back from Bernadette's, holding a cat. She was brown-calico and had nice, chocolate brown eyes.

"Penny! Where'd you get that?" Leonard exclaimed.

Penny looked down at the kitty she was holding. "Oh! Her? Oh, this is Bella! She's Bernadette's cat! She asked me to take care of her for a while," she explained.

"Huh? Bella…like in Twilight?"

"Yeah, sure!"

"Let me borrow her for a sec. It'll only take a minute!" Leonard grabbed the meowing cat, and ran up the stairs, leaving a confused Penny to question herself.

When Leonard finally reached his apartment, he pushed the door open and yelled, "LOOK, YOU GUYS! IT'S BELLA!"

Raj, Sheldon, Jacob, and Edward stopped fighting. Then they looked at each other and stomped right over to where Leonard was.

"Go, Jacob! Run away with Bella! Keep her away from Edward!"

"NO! EDWARD! FIGHT FOR YOUR WOMAN!" Sheldon said.

Leonard sat on the couch to watch them; surprised.

Then he turned on the television. But guess what was playing on TV?

Twilight, that's what. As Leonard walked away from the fight to his room, he said to himself,

"Yes. Oh, yeah. Twilight really does change people."

Then, he slammed the door to his room and left Raj and Sheldon alone.

An hour later…

Leonard walked out of his room to find Raj, Sheldon, and even their pets with their eyes glued to the screen of the television.

Penny walked in saying, "Leonard, can I have my cat ba-" But then stopped when she saw Twilight. "OOH! Twilight! I just watched this! Make space!" And then sat down in the remaining spot to watch.

Leonard slapped himself and said, "What the hell has Twilight done to this world?"

And then went back into his room.


End file.
